Being induced tomorrow.

And I feel like the most terrible mother in the world.

I’m sure it’s just hormones and silliness, but I feel like I am betraying my beautiful, smart, and completely unaware daughter. N is almost 27 months old now and I’ve had her for that long.

There have been 27 months with laughing, crying, potty training, learning, and sleepless nights and I just don’t know how I’m going to handle two perfect little girls.

Will I love this new baby the same way? Will N hate me for bringing home another baby? Will she think I’m replacing her?

I hope not. Because I know she will be the best big sister in the world. She will boss around her little sister and share with her and teach her and sing songs to her and more. And my heart will nearly explode watching her be a big sister. I just can’t imagine right now that in two days, our second daughter will be here.

I suppose tons of mothers go through this stage. I’ve asked enough of them to be reassured.

And how do you even have the love capacity for more children? I used to think that the amount of love a person has is definite. That you give so much love per person and can continue to love those that are gone. But it only goes so far, that’s why people fade out of our lives and our minds. When we think of that red hot burning love from a few years ago, it’s barely a flicker.

But I think having children is different. It produces more love. Love that makes you crazy with worry that you’re doing something wrong. That these little people are completely in your hands. The clumsy hands that have ripped papers, and smeared ink, and ruined relationships are being entrusted to you.

And God chose ME to have babies? I can barely keep my life together as it is and Heavenly Father’s like “You got this. Have another!” I don’t know if I will shatter under the pressure or stay resilient. I hope I stay strong for my daughters.

I have daughters. How crazy is that sentence?

To the Girls Who Think Having a Baby When You’re Young is a Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Idea.

To the girl in my class who winced when I answered her question of, “How old are you?” While showing pictures of my baby to another friend, she leaned over and had asked my age in a surprised tone. When I said I was 24, she physically recoiled and hissed through her teeth as if my answer burned her.

At first, I wasn’t sure how to respond. I was honestly dumbfounded. As a young mother, I have frequently been asked if N was planned or why “in the world” would I want a baby so young. I’d never seen someone physically react the way you did. “Well, that was rude,” I said to which you immediately apologized and said you didn’t “mean it like that.”

But, you did. You mentioned that, “At 24, I do not see myself with a baby,” with distaste in your voice and for a moment I was mad at you, the Mama Bear inside of me wanting to prove to you that my daughter was amazing and a blessing. You said the word baby like you’d say the word bunion. As if a baby is a nuisance.

But, I took a breath and let it go. You’re 19, you’d mentioned your happy home life and working as a waitress. One persons view of happiness can be entirely and surprisingly different than another’s. For you, happiness is traveling the world and going where you want when you want. The thought of being married was an obstacle to you, being “chained down.” In my experience, the exact opposite is true. I love my husband and my life. Money may be tight sometimes and we have to budget and use coupons, but I would trade this crazy little life for anything. I also have the privilege of having a companion by my side for the rest of eternity.

Family is everything. N is the reason I get up in the morning, and she’s on my thoughts as I fall asleep. I worked hard for her, I was sick almost every single day during my pregnancy and I was in an exhausting induced labor for three days. People want to wait to have children because they want to make something of themselves and get established before. That’s completely fine, we are all in control of our own destinies.

But, I made her. I made a perfect human being. The moment she was in the world, she became my accomplishments. Whatever she accomplishes and becomes, it’s because I wanted her and grew her and made her. I will grow up with her and teach her, show her, and tell her all about the world. Essentially I have another person’s entire future dependent on me. She will base her perceptions of motherhood on me, and how to be treated by a man from her father. It’s a huge responsibility.

At 19, I didn’t want kids as young. I had dreams of going on a mission, and dreams also similar to yours. When I met my would-be husband, I didn’t give him a second glance, and then within 6 months we were married. That’s a story for another post, but when we decided to have a child, it was carefully thought about and discussed. And I would NEVER go back to the way I was at 19 because I didn’t know what true bliss was.

Perceptions of happiness can vary widely from culture to culture or from person to person. A person’s past imprints on their future, always giving an outline of things to fix, want, or avoid. I want my future to be full of children and a happy home. I hope next time you meet someone you don’t understand or agree with, I hope you ask more questions. I hope you take a moment to understand because I live a truly wonderful life. I wish I hadn’t responded the way I did, because I feel now I may have shut down those questions. But, I know for next time to be less defensive and more open. We all have different perceptions of happiness and we should be accepting of it.

Have you ever experienced something similar to this? If so, how did you react? Leave a comment and tell me your advice and stories! I’d love to hear them! If you like my story, please pin it, share it, or like it! Leave me comments! I’d love to hear your stories!

Buy Nots For Baby!

As a first time mother, I was assaulted with information, advice, and advertising that I bought way too much stuff for my daughter. Now N is a very active, bright, cheerful, and interactive baby. I know many of you will disagree, but that’s okay. These are things that did and didn’t work with my baby. Some of the things I purchased could be great for my future children but these are my Buys and Buy Nots for a first baby.

Buy Nots!

Baby Bath Tub – Honestly, I used this thing like maybe three times until I just got fed up with it and started plopping her in the bath with me. I found that sharing bath time with N was so rewarding and helped reinforce her bedtime routine. The baby bath tub took up a ton of space and for some reason, N loved going #2 in it. Not once has she gone #2 while in the bathtub with me.

Baby Gym – I actually bought two of these. One for travel and one for home. N hated both of them. More so, once she figured out it was a toy to distract her so mommy could clean the kitchen, she hated them. N enjoys playing with the toys once you take them off, but the actual mats just stayed folded up behind my recliner. My sister-in-laws kids love them, but N just doesn’t.

Baby Towels and Wash Rags– Super cute, but just take up space. I live in a small apartment and purchasing things just to add to the never ending laundry pile seems, in hindsight, silly. (I might also mention I received a TON of these towels as baby shower gifts.) Also, just because a rag is a pastel color, doesn’t mean it works better on babies.

Baby Food Maker–  I bought this with the best intentions of making my baby’s food. And I did for a while and something I discovered was that I could have just used my Oster blender that we got as a wedding present. Just because something is smaller, doesn’t mean that it is better for baby. Thank goodness I bought it used!

Boppy –  I am still breastfeeding and I can say that I never liked this. N never liked this. Neither of us were very happy with it. We tried using it as a tummy time ring but N was too active for it and always wiggled out of it. It never fit me right and didn’t give N the right angle to latch. I happy for those that are happy with it, but I never was. Before buying one, find a friend who has one and ask to borrow it to see if it works for you.

So there is my list of Buy Nots for Baby. I hope I helped you make some decisions! I’ve learned before I mkae a purchase to ask around and see if I can borrow or try out someones items. I also normally buy my items second hand. It’s just so much cheaper!

What was your worst baby purchase?

My Purpose.

I have decided that I will have a blog to:

  1. Strengthen my writing skills.
  2. Establish an internet presence.
  3. To be more accountable to writing.

I will be posting my writing exercises, excerpts from pieces I’m working on, general how-to posts, and posts about my personal life as well. I will be creating a post every Friday starting with September 18th, 2015 and can only hope others will find what I write enjoyable.

This is me!


My name is Sarah and I am a full time student, stay at home mother, and aspiring novelist. I have an bright eyed daughter who I will refer to as N and a fabulous husband who will be A in this blog. They are my focal point of my life and I am truly blessed to have this little family. This picture is of us at a burger place. It was the first time she’d tried whipped topping!


I am a full-time student majoring in Public Relations and should be graduating in 2017 with a minor in Professional Writing. I will be the first of my family to receive a college degree and am very proud of the fact.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints and my goal is to eventually work in a communication role on behalf of the church. I was baptized December 31st, 2011 and it was the best decision of my life. I will share my conversion story in another post because it is truly and amazing story.

Here I will share my adventures in writing, parenthood, art, DIY, food, reviews, parties, and highlights of my spiritual journey. I hope that we can get to know each other!